I'm currently on vacation, somewhere in Maryland, and the only way I'm posting this is, er, somewhat illegally, seeing as how this random network just popped up and I connected to it. :-D

Anyway, I might work on something big-and-funny while I'm here. Perhaps the lake will inspire me. More later... some time... later...

Well, you have now. The only person who submitted an entry was my co-host, SeanS. Heck, even I didn't write one! And I don't plan to, because I blame this on the IMAO podcast and the people over there who aren't good enough at manipulating their readers. It's all its fault.

(By the way, did you know that you can make libelous claims against a dead person all you want? Not even family members can sue you for it!)

Blech. This was sad. The stupid funeral even got promoted on IMAO, and look where that went. Apparently, people just weren't as sad as we thought they were.

Whatever. To tell the truth, the real, honest-to-God, not-a-comment-bleg truth, this blog is going nowhere -- I don't know where we're going, but we're making good time -- and I think that's for a couple reasons:

1) I do have a sense of humor, really; it's just more spontaneous and subtle -- which doesn't work on a blog, or, at least, I haven't found out how to make it work yet.

2) Promoting my blog is either boring, feels like pandering, or both.

3) I am a very ADD person and go from one hobby to another often.

Hmm... perhaps I shall just replace this Web site with a big, blue square. Objections?

CarCast 12! Hooray!

(Guaranteed G rating, Nyx.)

Download it here or go to the right sidebar, hit the plus button, load the carcast, and pray that it works.

In one of my essays for applying to the esteemed College of William & Mary, I noted -- well, actually, it might be funnier for you if you just read the thing:

If I am going to apply to the College of William & Mary in an honest and truthful manner, I must confess something: my mental state is not wholly well. I do not think I have obsessive-compulsive disorder, though some would disagree. Rather, I would describe it as having a very big pet peeve: people need to learn how to use the English language properly and to be consistent in that use. I constantly notice such grammatical errors and inconsistencies on almost everything I read.

Sometimes, the errors are not really errors at all because people know they are making them and do not care. Even I use "ain't" and "gotta" every once in a while. I often say things like "better than me" instead of "better than I." I also am not fond of clichés, even though I use them when it is the quickest way of getting across a simple point. It is only when the grammatical error is in my opinion atrocious and inexcusable do I point it out in conversation.

When reading printed material, however, it is for me another matter entirely. Sometimes the mistakes are minor and barely noticeable, but they are there, and they show apathy on the part of the publisher and/or author. Having visited Virginia Tech, the University of Virginia, and William & Mary and being interested in journalism, I read the college newspapers at the three schools and quickly found noticeable errors in each. Reviewing the admissions literature that each esteemed institution gave me, similar mistakes were to be found. Very rarely do I go anywhere without finding the English language misused in some way. It is my plight.

Okay, so it is not the end of the world—most people never notice. As do all superheroes, I say it is a blessing and a curse. It has been a blessing because, among other things, it has helped me get an internship at a local newspaper, The Free Lance–Star, based in Fredericksburg. It has been a curse because noticing and so often pointing out little details like these does not make me popular with the normal people. Most people just do not care, and rightly so. Why should they? After all, if the point is made and communication is not disrupted, then it really does not matter.

Despite this, though, I am compelled to recommend to the College of William & Mary that it look on page 4 of its online application and do the following: check its spelling of the word "position"; ensure consistency on its abbreviation for the phrase "post-secondary college"; check its capitalization of "employment"; and review the sentence stating, "Indicate in the right column those activities you wm to pursue in college."

Do forgive me. I just had to. Conversely, if the reader of this admissions essay finds it to contain errors in any shape or form, regardless of the tedious nature of such errors, I then offer him or her my sincerest and humblest apologies.

Now, one would think that they would wise up and be on their toes, watching for any grammatical or spelling errors in the slightest since I'm going to be watching them all like a hawk from now on. Alas, they were not so wise. In a recent letter, our VP wrote, "The College of William & Mary requires its' students . . . " When I read this, I literally cried out in utter frustration. The letter was in .pdf format, for crying out loud, right there, boldly proclaiming its ignorant existence! Sigh. That's all. I think I'll go bash my head in and weep now.

Oh, and do feel free to try to find any errors in the above essay.

The Order of the Blue Square is proud to announce the release of CarCast 11, wherein the Blue Square nearly falls asleep, makes post-production notes to himself, makes fun of the Passionate America Show, and gratuitously offends Catholics.

As always, you can listen to the carcast by clicking the link below or by looking to the right sidebar, clicking the plus button, loading the carcasts, selecting CarCast 11, and hitting the play button. If you have visited recently, though, you may need to clear your Blue Square cookies, perhaps by blocking cookies from my site altogether, and try again -- I'm trying to make it so that you don't have to do that. (If anyone has any advice, please feel free!)

Download CarCast 11

Wild Bill recently called for rocket mail to the terrorists. Not wanting to make them child-killing monsters feel unloved, I made my own. As you can see, I stuck to the simple approach:

It's rather short - 4 minutes - but here it is, nonetheless. Click below to download or go to the right side of the screen and find it in the handy-dandy Blue Square's CarCasts Player.

Download Carcast 10

So I'm wondering if I should go to the trouble of putting these on iTunes, just for fun. Seems like that's the way some people make their podcasts popular...

The NYT will start a massive campaign in order to reach out to its base, which consists of 25% intoxicated hippies, 13% left-wing columnists, 40% moonbats on cocaine, dope, or speed, and 22% Michael Moore, by providing such extensive front-page articles as “Myths, Lies, and Fabrications: How to Combat Hippy-Pedia Lies”; “Do-it-yourself Journalism: Uncovering Government Secrets the Easy Way”; and “Oh, to Heck With It, We Endorse Hillary Clinton for Supreme Commander of the United States Already.”

The NYT will change its slogan from “All the news that’s fit to print” to “Some of the news that’s fit to print, and a whole crapload of what isn’t, and some stuff that isn’t even news, but we thought we should impose on your pea-brain mind, anyway.”

In order to fulfill that requirement, of course, they will also be getting a much larger sign. Despite their best efforts to ensure proportionality, however, the collective egos of the editorial staff will still be much, much bigger.

Finally, the NYT will also soon be starting up a terrorist embedment program, in which they will be free to take as many pictures of snipers, suicide bombers, and other freedom fighters killing American soldiers and Iraqis as they want. Contrary to what one might think, rank and file soldiers and marines support this decision, on the grounds that it will give them an excuse to do what they could dream about before now . . .

"It's impossible to verify. It's all to do with a matter of faith. She makes a very convincing argument."

Double-take:

"It's impossible to verify. It's all to do with a matter of faith. She makes a very convincing argument."

Yeesh. If she can claim to be Jesus' descendant, then I, the one, the only, the Blue Square, am going to make an even radicaler claim: I'm, I'm, I'm a descendant of Gandhi, gosh darnit! Yeah, that guy! He apparently did some nice stuff once, and everyone talks about him, but, but, what's not known is that he had sex with Marie Maggotin, and, and, she's my great grandmother!

How's that for a faith-filled, convincing argument?

[HT IMAO]

As you will now undoubtedly notice, there is a CarCast Player on the sidebar to your right. From it, you can play all of the wonderful podcasts that I have done from my car. It's a tad confusing to get to the files, as it's meant to play albums of songs, not podcasts, but just click the "?" button if you're confused, and you should figure it out. If you still can't, you're too stupid for me to waste my time with you feel free to ask a question in the comments or e-mail me at thebluequare -at- gmail -dot- com.

Many thanks to Beverage for editing the program to fit my needs and tolerating my high levels of ignorance.

Oh, and while I'm making announcements, don't forget to write and submit your very own personal eulogy for the IMAO podcast!

Be blue, squares.

Mort Kondracke on Fox News just now: "No one's against adopting embryos and converting them into children. [emphasis added]"

So what were they going to be before they were adopted, chimpanzees?

I'm really racking these up. As always, if you do actually listen, let me know what you think in the comments . . .

Download/Listen to CarCast 9

Yuck. Yuck, yuck, yuck. I got so disturbed while reading this article, I decided to take a little, er, creative license with it.

JULY 21,21 JULY 2006
News AnalysisA Guaranteed Waste of Your Time
By Steve Rosenberg The Blue Square

The MySpace Ecosystem
Its user audience's stupidity has tripled since News Corp. acquired the site last year. Now, new third-party partners leeches could help it,God forbid, maintain the pace of growth

There's no question that the social networking site MySpace has grown into a three-eyed, child-molesting monster (see BusinessWeek.com, 11/15/05, "Users Crowd Into MySpace"). It had 17 million unique monthly visitors suckers when News Corp. (NWS) acquired it last year. Now the site, where people very poorly attempt to “communicate” via home pages laden with messages, photos, blogs, music, and more, has 54 million unique monthly users pathetic little souls who use it, according to researcher comScore Media Metrix.

It generates more page views than any other site on the Web, except for Yahoo! (YHOO) (see BusinessWeek.com, 11/14/05, "MySpace growing even faster since acquisition")., which is obviously due to the fact that you have to click five buttons to get to anything and hit refresh twenty times to get your pages to load right.

"NEXT-GENERATION PORN INDUSTRYTAL." Now, MySpace is beginning to create its own ecosystem fools’ gathering of third-party companies that are developing features and applications for the giant digital “community”, according to a new report from analyst Richard Greenfield of Pali Wasting Our Time and Money Research WOTMR. He says the idea nefarious scheme is to encourage other companies to use their creativity and expertise to come up with things for MySpace users that MySpace itself hasn't, which wouldn’t be that hard. That could be anything from letting people add to their MySpace home pages from a mobile phone (using Cingular, for crying out loud, not Verizon) or creating a slide show of their favorite MySpace photos. or, even better, automatically deleting for the user all the photos that are obviously crap and/or porn, leaving terabytes worth of room leftover on the server.

The move is an important milestone for MySpace. Only the largest and most vibrant of tech “communities” are capable of creating that sort of network effect. tricking other companies into plotting their evil plans so well. Classic examples of tech companies that have created such ecosystems include Microsoft's (MSFT), with its Windows operating system, and Apple Computer (AAPL), with its iPod digital-music franchise (see BW Online, 7/19/06, "iPod Accessories Gone Wild")., so MySpace is appropriately following in the footsteps of other idiot-friendly corporations. Software developers have created thousands of applications on top of Windows over the years, and the iPod has generated a sizable industry of companies that create accessories for the music player and a dizzying variety of podcasts., the most amusing of which used to be the IMAO Podcast but is now the Order of the Blue Square “CarCast”.

MySpace is encouraging the development of its nascent ecosystem. "MySpace has always seen itself as a next-generation portal. There are enormous opportunities to develop in and around MySpace. We focus on leveraging the expertise and resources from within the Fox Interactive Media network and with third-party partners alike to expand and enrich the community even further," said a spokesman for Fox Interactive Media, the News Corp. division that includes MySpace.

MULTIPLIER EFFECT? The effort by MySpace could help it continue its thorrid growth. "The MySpace ecosystem could help the site grow even faster than it otherwise would, increasing the usefulness and awareness of the site at no cost to News Corp.," Greenfield says.

One early example of an outside company that's developing special features for MySpace is the wireless upstart Helio, which is owned by Internet service provider Earthlink (ELNK) and Korean wireless broadband pioneer SK Telecom (SKM). Helio allows users to access MySpace from the mobile Helio phone with the touch of a button. Helio has exclusive rights to mobile distribution of MySpace for an undisclosed period of time.

For now, its subscribers are the only mobile phone users with the ability to exchange MySpace messages of unlimited length while they are on the go.,which obviously reveals a communist plot to centralize even the way you communicate with your “friends.” They can use their phones to snap pictures or video and wirelessly post them to Web pages. "We understand the power of unforgiving, shameless profiteering ability found in social networking, and MySpace is clearly the leader in the field fool among fools," Helio spokesman Rick Heineman said.

LEVERAGINGMANIPULATING ITS AUDIENCE. The MySpace ecosystem includes several tools that extend the range of communications tools at hand. Slide, which can be found at www.slide.com, because we’re too good to link like normal people do, allows users to turn content at MySpace and other sites such as eBay (EBAY), into slide shows. And a free piece of software available from MyWhatSpace (www.mywhatspace.com) lets MySpace members send messages to multiple MySpace friends at the same time., thus taking an innovative approach that was before only used in practically every e-mail service, ever. It also allows users to create subgroups of MySpace friends, and send all of the members of the subgroup a message. Neither company was available for comment., because they were too busy making their own MySpace profiles, the ‘tards.

The MySpace ecosystem remains in the early stages., and must somehow be stopped before it is taken too far. It's certainly nowhere near as large as the iPod's, let alone the massive one around Windows. But it's an encouraging sign for a business that has lots of users but relatively little revenue. As MySpace helps other companies create revenue for themselves, its ability to attract and retain memberseven more hapless suckers should be strengthened, boosting its power among advertisers. other capitalist pigs who want to take advantage of weak-minded teenagers with too much money on their hands.

Here it is, folks.

I realized that whenever I mention something in my CarCasts, I should probably provide a link to it if possible. So, for today's, there's only one I can really think of:

JimmyB's Wal-Martiquette post

I promise to have a streaming kind of way to listen to my CarCasts sometime soon-ish, maybe. No one's really complaining about it, so I'm not in much of a hurry.

You know, when I go to college, I won't be driving for a long time. Only a few short weeks (as opposed to long weeks, which are inexplicably longer) left, and then you all will be devoid of your CarCasts for months upon months!

Oh, and this CarCast was unfortunately cut short for reasons unbeknownst to me. Whatever; it's not like anyone's heard it!

I remember the days of weekly IMAO podcasts, and I'm sure you do, too. Those were the good days. Unfortunately, the IMAO podcast is gone forever now, and despite what those at IMAO might say, we here at the Order of the Blue Square know the truth, as we mentioned earlier, citing evidence that the address, www.imaopodcast.com, no longer exists. It is sad, but we must face the facts: IMAO podcasts are a thing of the past.

In order to properly to say goodbye to what was once a monument of conservative wit, the Order of the Blue Square, along with Shoot a Liberal, is asking you to prepare your own eulogy for the IMAO podcast. They can be of any length and should preferrably be funny, as I'm sure the IMAO podcast would want, were it still with us.

Please e-mail me at thebluesquare@gmail.com or leave a comment with the permalink to your eulogy by July 27, and be sure to tell all your blogging friends. (I haven't set up trackbacks yet, sorry.) If you don't have a blog, just write it up, e-mail me, and I'll post it here.

On July 28, we will hold a funeral for the IMAO podcast, listing all of the eulogies you have written. If any Catholic blog readers are out there, be sure to throw up a few Hail Marys on this very important day.

This is what happens when you try to write a joke the PC way . . .

There were three guys and one hot chick two guys and two girls sitting in a bar, drinking beer. Now, one of the girls was a beautiful blonde a oppressed culturally attuned Muslim woman, so one of the guys the other girl tried to hit on her.

“Hey babe, what’s going on?” asked the fair-skinned brunette black African-American, Jewish Hindu, lesbian woman, sitting in her wheelchair.

“Oh, nothing,” said the Muslim woman, who was actually a man, who blew up, killing everyone around her, except for the other two guys, who had by this time backed way off because by this time they realized there was no hope for them and those two girls were freakin' weird moved to another area of the bar to flirt with each other.

“Dude, what just happened!?” asked one of them to the other.

“I think that beautiful blonde lesbian Muslim woman, who was probably actually a straight Muslim man, who was pretending to get it on with the fair-skinned brunette that other wheelchair-ridden mobility-impaired, Jewish Hindu, black African-American, lesbian, just blew her, er, him, uh, somebody’s self up,” he responded.

“Holy crap! Let’s call the cops!” the first shouted. “What a unique cultural trait, that whole blowing yourself up thing,” the first mentioned thoughtfully.

“Yeah, it’s a little too, like, violent for me, but I don’t wanna, like, infringe on anybody’s rights and stuff, so…”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” said the first . . .

Here's my latest carcast . . . yay!

I like doing stupid things, so that's why I'm going to jump in a few days. For what cause? I'm going to stop global warming! [HT HolyCoast.com]

Now, ignoring the obvious questions of how .6 billion people jumping could change the Earth's orbit significantly enough to do anything, I have a few more:

How high? Seriously! Should it be a little jump, a big jump, or what? What if we all don't land at the same time?

Should we tell the Chinese not to jump? Seein' as how they're, you know, on the other side of the planet, it might be a little counterproductive.

Questions, questions, always questions . . .

Before we get to the random thought of the day, here's a pre-random thought of the day random thought: a lot of people say, "this is your _____ of the day/week/month," but then don't consistently update said _____ every day, week, or month. I'm proud to announce that I am going to be one of those people.

Random thought of the day: I've been listening to Wide Awakes Radio a fair bit recently, and while they're still in their beginning days to be sure, they use a lot of radio terms, which I find to be amusing -- especially when they say they're going to a commercial break, since, well, they don't have any commercials yet. They also say, sometimes, they're going into a "hard break," which leaves me with many questions:

As opposed to a . . . soft break?

What makes a break soft, and what makes it hard?

Is there such a thing as a medium break, perhaps?

Why do they call it a "hard break" instead of a "quick pause"? Who decided that? Why did they decide that? Are we sure that that was the best decision?

Perhaps they mean "hard break" as opposed to "easy break." In that case, why should radio ever be easy? When it is, why don't you tell us, perhaps, "we're going into a nice, easy break, folks, and we have plenty of time to talk, so here's the break, hooray for us..."

I have questions. Questions that need answers.

... except for when it's in real life. In a video game it's encouraged!

Click:



OK, so this isn't my normal "Moment in the Life of . . . Me!" format, but I thought my fellow gaming readers* out there would enjoy this.

*Wow, subcategorizing readers. That's pretty ambitious for a guy who only gets 26 hits a day, most of which are from people looking for MySpace bulletins, but that's me. My middle name is "amibition."

And if you want to take the time to find it, I took a slight license with this Command & Conquer: Tiberian Sun screenshot... let me know if you do find it in the comments, as I haven't getting too many of those lately.

Whereas the Blue Square is, in fact, the ruler of the universe;

Whereas he does what he wants;

Whereas you all are a bunch of no-good, lying, scheming, nonexistent, pathetic bunch of losers who disgrace the noun "reader";

These are some more of my tenets.

31. Did you know, dear Blue Square reader, that the very means by which we define ideology is controlled by the French? No wonder conservatives always have trouble being heard! We’ve been going at this all wrong!

Here’s my corrupted 100% true version of the story: Back long ago, sometime in French Parliament, when they weren’t drunk on their wine, weren’t having sex, and weren’t offering long, drawn-out, thoroughly wasteful bureaucratic-to-the-core suggestions on how best to wave a white flag, when to wave it, how long to wave it, and how many white flags to wave, should there be any confusion in the message that they are, in fact, surrendering unconditionally to whoever will take them prisoner first, whether it be a German soldier or a moldy packet of cheesy strings that they thought they say move… *gasp* they had two sides of Parliament.

And one was kinda liberal, and one was kinda conservative. As you can guess, the libs sat on the left, and the conservatives on the far right, not because they were all very, very conservative, but because, well, there probably weren’t very many of them, and the liberals had to take up all the other spots in the middle, in the mid-right, and so forth. Thusly, we have our current problem: anyone who is at all conservative appears to be very right-wing and out of the mainstream, whereas really, the French are manipulating us all to make us think that to be left is to be normal and to be middle is to be fascist. (Hey, if Bush can control the weather, why can’t the French control our minds?)

So, to fix this dire problem, I have a new political spectrum that will be the exact opposite of the French system. Instead of left-right, it will be down-up! Conservatives will be down, of course, because:

We’re grounded in reality.

We’re nefarious, crawly little creatures that sneak around, plotting our evil plans.

We’ll want to be uprooting all the stupid hippie flowers in the ground.

We’re “down with it,” so that (I think) means we’re “cool.”


Liberals will be up, naturally, due to these facts:

They’re high.

Their socialist vision for American is in the clouds.

When their ideas finally turn out to be true, they’ll be there to wave to the pigs flying by.

Their helium-inflated shreak voices work best at high altitudes, where no one can hear them.

32. Chapstick should be made to be waterproof. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lost them dang things in the washer and dryer; they all come out so gooey. Is it so friggin’ hard to ask that they make just one new-fangled genetical adjustment in them their formulas so as to make it waterproof for the folks? I reckon not, y’all, I reckon not.

33. Civilians should be more durable, too. I mean, is it really our fault if our bombs can’t be accurate to the nanometer? I think the real problem lies with these innocents who just can’t survive a close-range 500-pound bomb or two. Who do they think they are, vulnerable women and children who need protecting? The least they could do is survive a little while so we could give them medical aid—once we get around to it.

So I promise you, I have a better method lined up for deliving CarCasts, but I have to tinker with it a bit. Right now, when I try to play it, I sound like a chipmunk -- which may actually be funnier than what I have to say, but no matter.

Here they are:

CarCast 5
CarCast 6

All you guys have it rough. Yawning, I woke up at around 10:00 am, went downstairs, and there was my breakfast and my morning reading, all ready for me and everything:



(Click to see the larger, labeled version.)

Rock-solid evidence that the IMAO Podcast is gone, dead, finito, over with, no more, and that we won't ever see it or its ghost ever again in this dimension or any other:

I've been driving that darn Chevy Astro that's so loud that it's hard to make good carcasts from...

I've been driving that darn Chevy Astro that's so loud that it makes it hard to make good carcasts.

Man, preposition rules stink. Anyway, yes, I haven't had any inspiring "Moment in the Life of . . . Me!" pictures, either, and I've been simultaneously ridding this world of the Borg, the Nod, and other top-secret stuff that I can't tell you about until I figure out how to kill you from my computer screen. It might not be that hard -- maybe it'll just be like those joke Web sites that say they're taking your picture even if you don't have a webcam, and then show a little flash thingy, and then show a picture of a monkey. Perhaps the psychological weight of showing a generic dead body might be enough to kill those to whom I tell government secrets, but I don't want to take any chances.

So... back to what I was saying. "Following in the footsteps of Frank J.?" you ask. "Blasphemy!" you shout as you shake your head in shame at the Blue Square. I assure you, however, that it is not that hard:

I have a funny idea about something funny to write, and I'll show it to you sometime soon, but if I wrote it out now, it would just be unfunny, and given the well-established reputation of this blog for knee-slapping humor, I wouldn't want to dissapoint you. So, in the meantime, here's a short funny I found: "Your Washer is Calling and the Dryer is on IM." Heh.

The first one I saw a while ago on TV while Bush was giving an important speech; all the others, I will link to. I got the idea for this format from Basil, if I remember correctly.

Fox News:
Breaking News: Bush Keeps Bust of Churchill in Oval Office
Also has life-sized cardboard cutouts of Thatcher and Elizabeth I

Pajamas Media:
South Korean: North Makes Region Unstable
North Korean disagrees, says nuclear war no big deal

Reuters [HT IMAO]:
Rumsfeld arrives in Afghanistan; 30 Taliban Killed
Evidence of severe beatings and multiple shots to the head impresses rookie Marines

Sofia News Agency:
3 Explosions Rock Bombay
City leaders suggest changing city name

FoxNews.com:
Report: Drunken Jackie Chan Disrupts Show
Chuck Norris: 'I told you he can't hold his liquor!'

Reuters:
MySpace gains top ranking of US Web sites
YourPlace, Social Networking For Leftards close runner-ups

Ahem. A rather short "Moment in the Life of . . . Me!" to keep you all going over the weekend. There's lots of Frank J.-roasting to check out, by the way. I'm first on the list because we follows all the commands of Master Harvey very fast, doesn't we, precious?, and... yeah, sorry, I've been watching way too much LOTR lately. I'm not as OCD about my referrals as I used to be, so I guess the fact that I don't know if it's brought in a sizeable amount of traffic is a good psychological sign, though the fact that I'm thinking about it is a bad one. Gah, cycles... in my head... must... stop!

Anyway, click on the image below to read a couple things which will hopefully make you laugh to top off your weekend.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Firstname, The lord has bigger plans for you than just sitting here reading this email.
Like taking your match from heaven to dinner, or to a movie, or to the altar.
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STILL LOOKING FOR THIS MATCH FROM HEAVEN?
Let True Christians take care of that- just sign up and we will hook you up with hundreds of worthy Christian singles-
Click to Find your Heavenly Match
or copy this link and paste it into your browser
address window.

1. Who's "Firstname"? Did some poor guy or gal's parents forget to fill in a certain important part on the form or something?

2. Do messages from really spiritual people have to include those ||| things a whole bunch? I should use those more often, along with the word, "doom."

3. You're going to hook me up with "hundreds" of Christian singles? And they're "worthy" of me, too! Dude, that's awesome. Muslim martyrs only get 72 virgins, and they have to blow themselves up to do that! Me, I only have to pay a small fee!

4. And are True Christians so different from fake Christians that they capitalize their adjectives?

5. Why didn't you supply me with any pictures of my match(es) from heaven? Do I have to pay to get that? How un-True Christian-like to take my money! Maybe I'll pay for your service and skip on the offering next Sunday and just tell the pastor that I was busy getting my match from heaven, and since God now uses the Internet and corporate programs to show me His match for me from heaven, I was just giving my tithe in a different sort of way. I'm sure he'll understand.

. . . because their signs are about as inconsistent as my drives. For those of you new to "Moments in the Life of . . . Me!" (heh; do I have any new readers? I feel pretty plateaued right now...), basically, I take random pictures of things I see with my pathetic 1.2 MP camera on my PDA, and then I open up the latest version of MS Paint and painstakingly thing of how to label each item. The image you see below is a small copy of what it looks like without my labels; click on it and get the big, oh-so-helpfully labeled version.



Oh, and after you look at it, don't forget to give me some reader participation and tell me what's funny about that electricity pole that just's standing there, asking to be humorous!

I don't know where kingdom come is, but it's probably not for enough for these losers who take advantage of their diplomatic immunity and don't follow the law when parking. I, personally, hate parking, but apparently, if you're French and a diplomat, you don't have to follow the rules. I even heard on FNC last night that North Koreans have avoided prosecutions for counterfeiting U.S. money using their diplomatic immunity. This is getting to be ridiculous. I say we hang 'em all. You want peace, you North Korean adolescents who beg for attention with those puny things you call "missiles"? You want peace, you Islamicists of "the religion of peace"? Like Theoden in The Two Towers said so well: "We shall have peace… when you answer for the burning of the westfold, and the children that lie dead there. We shall have peace, when the lives of the soldiers, whose bodies were hewn even as they lay dead against the gates of the Hornburg, are avenged! When you hang from a gibbet for the sport of your own crows… we shall have peace."

Yes, I'm a LOTR nerd as well as a political one... and proud of it. :-D

Whereas the Blue Square is, in fact, the ruler of the universe;

Whereas he does what he wants;

Whereas you all are a bunch of no-good, lying, scheming, nonexistent, pathetic bunch of losers who disgrace the noun "reader";

These are some more of my tenets.

28. Let me further clarify something about myself with this Tenet - no, I am not gay. Er, that wasn't really what I was... it just came into mind... gah.

So, yes, something about myself, something needing clarification... now I've lost it...

OH! That was it. The reason I complain so much about not getting much traffic (although people searching for myspace bulletins sure do help; check out my referrals yourself) is that once I am a very popular blogger, it will be funny to pretend that I don't get many hits. I'm just practicing. A lot.

29. On the topic of my rampant oft-occuring occasional rare unfunniness, it's your fault whenever I'm funny. "How is that my fault?" you ask. It's all very simple, really -- simpler than global warming, and that's pretty simple.

You see, the effects of humor are not, as some might say, due to the unexpected, the exaggerated, or the inanely random, although I try my hand at all of those incessantly from time to time. Instead, the process that makes you laugh is what's known as "imabeyesing," a process that pretty much depends solely on the person to whom the joke is being made to determine whether the joke is funny to them. It gets complicated after that, but I'm so lazy, I can't even make science fiction-babble like those global warming freaks do to provide evidence. That's okay, though; I'm sure you all trust a guy who wears a plain blue square on his T-Shirts, right?

30. Howard Stern's stupid. The funny thing is, his readers are even stupider. OK, so he's actually pretty smart -- I mean, how else would he get his readers to listen to him droning on about the same things over and over? To demonstrate how stupid his readers are to you, I refer you to www.sirius.com. There you will notice that, when you go to choose your radio station after clicking "Listen Online," (I think you can do it as a guest), there's a section for "Music" and then there's a section labeled "Talk/Howard." Without the little label, "Howard," some of his precious readers might somehow get confused and click "Music," I guess. I don't know why they would, but I guess racy, redundant ramblings are pretty much the same as what most people consider "music." Really, the only difference is whether or not you have the drum machine turned on or off, I suppose. I can see how it might be confusing. So, there you go: there are talk shows, there's music, and then there's Howard Stern. He's in a category of his own.

So, the Blue Square has been busy with Command & Conquer: The First Decade and has not been blogging as much recently. However, when driving, the Blue Square has time to record carcasts that he otherwise would not make for lack of time due to much geeky game-playing. Be thankful that the Blue Square has a job so he does drive and make carcasts, squares, and give praise and adoration for the fact that he has taken these few precious moments from his life to enlighten you with his infinite wisdom.

Third person condescension is so fun! Anyway. This one's rather short, comparatively, and only has a little exaggeration for the purposes of humor -- when I'm talking without a script (as I always do), teh funny does not come to my frail mind as quickly, so I have to say something. I'll probably be back to more blogging and blog-reading soon, or not so soon, or some time; it's just that when I hear North Korea has shot a few dud missiles in the air, I get bored of the news and decide to make a few simulated missiles of my own instead.

The great thing you have about blogging with so few readers is that you have little sense of obligation.

Download CarCast #4.

I know, I know, you all think that Glenn Reynolds blends puppies, and understandably so. Frank J. and his evil Alliance friends have been telling you that for decades, subliminally manipulating your puny mind with Photoshop and gratuitous linkage contests, not to mention Jedi mind tricks the likes of which this blogosphere has never seen. (No, just because I have an Alliance banner on my sidebar doesn't mean I'm a member of it; it's just so they're so evil and powerful and such that they even have access to my sidebar.) However, we the (very) few, the proud, the members of The Order of the Blue Square and its readers, know the truth. It is actually Frank J. who blends puppies, and his sick, dark, twisted, etc. mind is such that he needs to blame someone else for his own inhuman atrocities. It's a classic narcisstic dictator syndrome, actually. Hitler was homosexual, you know, and he had some Jewish blood in his family line. Saddam probably secretly likes women and children, too -- he was just so busy massacring them that he didn't have time to realize his true feelings.

So, Hitler was gay, Saddam is a nice guy inside, and, even worse, Frank J. blends puppies. He probably says "hmm" and "indeed" a lot, too, and the reason that he writes so much on his blog is that deep down, he just wants to make lots of posts with next to nothing in them. What do you think the Fun Trivia category is for? To make us laugh? Yeah, right.

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So, this has been another of my schemes to get linkage from my IMAO by doing another of their silly round-up whatevers. This is the IMAO 4th Blogiversary thing, where we're supposed to be making fun of Frank J. ruthlessly, as opposed to any other day, where we, um, tease him gently? Anyway, if anyone actually visits the Order for the first time because of this, please feel free to roast me in the comments. Oh, and seeing as how everywhere I go, I see a link to the infamous post on IMAO, I expect a similar amount of references to this post, being the first one to reveal that it is, in fact, Frank J. who blends puppies. The only thing that his post has over mine is that it has "poorly Photoshopped photographic evidence." I can't Photoshop, or GIMP, to save my life, so... just imagine Frank blending puppies. It'll be like reading a book, which is much better for your brain than television or the blog-ridden Internet, which turns it to mush, right?

Click the picture below to be enlightened.



On an unrelated note, today is my birthday. As a matter of fact, at the very moment this is being posted, I'm probably making a fool of myself on the golf course with some buds (yes, even the Blue Square has friends). Why the delayed posting? I don't know; I hadn't used that option before and wanted to try it out. (By the way, isn't it funny how often, when we say "I don't know," we follow up with an actual answer to a question? It's self-contradictory, but it's how we talk. Strange. Okay, I'm done with this set of ADHD parentheses now.) I also like subliminally controlling my readers into visiting daily to catch all the latest updates from The Order of the Blue Square. I even tried to make the time seem random to fool them into thinking that this really wasn't planned and I'm somehow live-blogging from the golf course or something. Do you think it's working? Maybe I should've made it 1450 or something, just to make it slightly non-seemingly-random enough to actually look random. Man, this subliminal stuff is hard.

Oh, and remind me never to use a red font when making "Moments." It never works out, even when I save it using a photo editor. (I'm always going to stick to MS Paint for the actual labelling; call me an indie blogger.)

Anyway, wish me happy birthday in the comments, and be blue, squares. Your Square overlord [*looks up cool synonym for "overlord" on an online thesaurus*] suzerain has commanded that you do so.