And it takes a lot to make me giggle. Normally I just say "grr" or "heh."

Sidenote 1: Saying "heh" is manly and contemplative.

Sidenote 1 to sidenote 1: Oh, and "grr" is manly and, um, angry.

So anyway, I read this MySpace bulletin while logging on to try to get my so-called "friends" to visit this site and maybe get like 1/5 of a reader out of the 40 there.

Sidenote 2: Hey, if I can have 243857249i readers, why can't I have 1/5 of a reader? You know, something like they reader 1/5 of my posts here or whatever. Anyway.

Here is the bulletin in its entirety:

On May 15th all myspace members are to not go to the gas station in protest high gas prices. Gas is now over $3.00 a gallon in most places. There are 72,110,073 members currently on the network, and the average car takes about 20 to 30 dollars to fill up. If all myspace members did not go to the pump on the 15th it would take $2,163,302,190.00 out of the oil companys pockets for just one day, so please do not go to the gas station on May 15th and lets try to put a dent in the oil industry for at least one day.

If you agree (which i cant see why you wouldnt) repost this bulletin repost it with 'Don't pump gas on May 15th.'

Now, besides the bad grammar here,

Sidenote 3: contractions issues; incorrect use of quotations; lack of sources; lack of capitalization of the word, "MySpace"; too many spaces in the wrong places, etc.



Sidenote 2 to sidenote 3: I'm actually a prickler on grammar for most things for those of you who don't know me, but I figure if I did that on every one of these posts, which are kind of serving as a creative outlet (yuck, I hate that pathetic-sounding phrase, but it works here) for me, then it wouldn't be any fun any more. And let me tell you, this is much fun for me so far.

This bulletin is furthermore crappy because not everyone who reads it will repost it. Among the people who will not repost it are:

1) People like myself who laugh at idiotic MySpace users. Now, it could be argued that we cynical ones could try to support a reasonably just cause once in a while, but it won't be. That would make too much sense for this blog.

Sidenote 4: It's not that it would make a lot of sense, it's just that it would make a little sense, which, again, is too much sense for this blog.

2) People who are to be congratulated for their abstinence from MySpace bulletins and e-mail forwards. I believe that many MySpace users do not, in fact, read most or any of the bulletins that their friends post. If you look around enough, you will find a lot of user profiles that are either abandoned or barely maintained and have very few friends on them. For every 100+ friend profile, there are 2.6346 as many -20 friend profiles.

Sidenote 5: No, I don't have a source for that. Why should I? The person who wrote that bulletin didn't. Besides, I at least, was more precise than he, if not as accurate.

Sidenote 1 to sidenote 5: Look up those words by clicking on the links to the accurate dictionary.com (aren't I nice?) provided if you don't know their precise definitions.

3) People who read the bulletin but aren't going to repost it because they're typical lazy teenagers.

4) People who for whatever reason - the main one being that they're under 16 or their parents pay for gas - don't really care all that much about gas prices.

5) People who I forgot to mention because 5 is a lot of people and I'm getting tired of making this list.

Now, after all those bunches and bunches of people who don't repost it, there will remain the ones who repost it. But then again, one has to think: Since most teenagers are idiots, will they remember a date so far in advance as May 15th when they can't even remember a paper that has a due date more than a week away? I think not.

So based on my precise, inaccurate calculations, the oil companies will not feel any effect whatsoever from this pathetic attempt at an Internet-led boycott.

Those MySpace users. They're wannabe bloggers.

Okay, so that was repetitive. It was redundant, too; I admit it. OK, so it was even unnecessarily reiterative. Get off my back!

Anyway, I went to Lone Star with the 'rents, and they served me a large glass of Coke with lots of ice and no pansy lemon. It was most excellent to consume this $2.00 beverage, well worth the price versus a 1-pound loseristic, pathetic Pepsi.

Yes, "loseristic" is one of my favorite words. No, that's not juvenile. Shut up; you don't exist.

Man, Tenet 11 is hard to follow.

Anyway, sorry for that Hannity & Colmes clip that keeps playing . . . I don't know how to code it to only play when you click on it. Oh well. It will be gone soon enough.

So, other than that . . . thanks for continuing to make this blog the #1-Visited Site of Imaginary Readers (Tenet 9).

Whereas the Blue Square is, in fact, the ruler of the universe;

Whereas he does what he wants;

Whereas you all are a bunch of no-good, lying, scheming, nonexistent, pathetic bunch of losers who disgrace the noun "reader";

These are some more of my tenets.


You know, one of these days, I'm going to have to Google Roman numerals if I keep doing this.


10. Lazy people do not deserve to live. Whether working on group projects in school or on a missions trip to impoverished areas, they will no longer be tolerated. Working is honestly not that hard; get used to it. In order to instill a sense of work ethic into our nation's youth, they shall be incessantly be subjected to verbal abuse and made to complete manual labor 14 hours a day from the time they can walk. No vacations, except on Sundays, Christmas and Easter, because we're nice, generous Christians and like to worship Jesus then. No Catholic holidays, because if we allowed those, we'd never get any work done. For crying out loud, they have a holiday for every "saint" that ever lived. Actually, no, they don't; because according to my tenets, which are obviously the correct ones, every Christian is a saint, completely sinless. But I think we've strayed off topic here.

11. Oh, yeah, like I said before. The blue square has learned a lesson that he would like to share with others: Don't talk to yourself in public. It will freak people out. And it's okay to talk to yourself in private, as long as you don't answer. That's just considered "thinking out loud," and that's okay. I know, I know, I don't actually think when I'm talking to myself, but I like to er, think so.

12. All homework should be optional. While this may seem in conflict with Tenet of the Square 10, it is not. Homework is not actual work; it is educational learning, which is different from manal labor or making some stupid poster or diarama. So, um, yes, my double standard theory on this is that homework is really hard - reading and such - but roofing and coloring is easy, so they should be mandatory.


Thanks for allowing me to kill some more of your brain cells and waste some more of your time. Back later. In the event that I get a life and/or brain beforehand, though, I will not.

Be blue, squares.

So why do I need them? Why, I ask you, my imaginary, nonexistent readers, do I need them?

Idiot. They serve as summaries as the contents of posts.

Well, that's stupid. Who needs summaries when they're obviously going to read the whole thing?

Headlines are a way to grab the reader's attention and for the reader to decide if he or she wants to read the post.

Well, that's stupid, too. And by the way, the Order doesn't tolerate this whole "he or she" nonsense. The readers here will be entirely male and will be subjected to a testosterone test to make sure they're not gay, either. It is the blue square, after all.

I think I'm leaving now.

No! Please don't go! I'll have to imagine some more readers into existence, and that's hard.

Especially since we're not coming back anymore and we're telling all our friends not to come here either.

Why? What did I ever do to you?

You have been racist, unkind, insensitive, disrespectful, and generally lame. Furthermore, most popular blogs are popular for a reason. As for the "imaginary" readers of which you seem to be so proud, they actually don't exist. They're a figment of your imagination. You can't just get famous by multiplying a random number by the square root of negative one. It doesn't work that way.

Who says? If you're just imaginary and in my head, then how do you know what's true?

That's just it. I'm part of you, square. I'm trying to get you to stop typing this pointless dialogue and get to work on studying for your AP tests.

NO! NEVER! I must waste my time or I will go mad!

By the looks of things, you already are.

Shut up. You hurt my feelings.

I thought you said you weren't gay, remember?


The problem with arguing yourself is you can't bluff anything. Your opponent always knows when you're lying. Maybe that'll be another one of my tenets.

Thanks for "reading," and enjoy your day.

Whereas the Blue Square is, in fact, the ruler of the universe;

Whereas he does what he wants;

Whereas you all are a bunch of no-good, lying, scheming, nonexistent, pathetic bunch of losers who disgrace the noun "reader";

These are some more of my tenets.

7. Similar to the way in which members of the Order will learn to shout, "Doom!" as often as possible, they will also learn the key phrase, "Lies! All Lies!" In a world of numerous conflicting and confusing opinions about every topic possible and a distortion of facts that is - hold on, let me check my Catch Phrase Dictionary - unprecedented, there is nothing better than just simply screaming in someone's ear, "Lies! All Lies!" and letting that end the discussion. Should it fail to do so, shout "Lies! All Lies!" again and repeat incessantly until either a) you become hoarse or b) they shut up because they realize you're a blundering idiot doing them a good service. If neither of these events occur in a short enough time period, find the nearest computer and refer them to Tenet 8. That should solve any remaining problems.

8. Everyone besides me is lying to you. Please refer to Tenet 1 and notice that only I am properly informing you of the impending doom on this universe. Nowhere else in the blogosphere is MySpace ridiculed (at least, as harshly as it is here) for the horrible excuse for a networking Web site that it is. You certainly can't find any place on the Internet besides this one that gives itself such a strangely stupid unique name as "The Order of the Blue Square," can you? Now, I'll grant you - there are other Web sites that publish with the name "blue square," but they all are pathetic compared to the greatness that is TOBS. (Hey, I like that: TOBS. Dunno why, really, it just amuses me with its pointlessness.)

http://www.bluesquare.com - Some online betting site based in the UK. Now, as we all (meaning, er, me, myself, but definitely not Irene) know from my recent trip to Britain, the British are a bit substandard in most areas compared to America. It's not their fault, really: it's just that ruling the seas isn't so important nowadays, and even when it was, once we broke off from you, we had all the oak wood along the East Coast. Suckers! So anyway, bluesquare.com is obviously a much more suitable domain name for this wonderful blog than any stupid betting site.

http://www.bluesquare.net//index.php - a weird-looking-furniture company with an international client base. (Note the three hyphens there, indicating that they're a company that sells weird-looking furniture, not a weird-looking company that sells furniture.) Also totally irrelevant to the world's needs compared to my plans.

http://bluesquare.us/ - a "development group" that, while at least based in America and sharing the same end-URL-thingy as IMAO, does not have nearly as many important things to say to the world as I do. I mean, just look at some of the things I've said to the world already. "Doom! Doom! Doom!" and "Lies! All Lies!" are just for starters.

Therefore, we are, in fact, the real blue square site. Dot blogspot dot com. Phooey.

9. IMAO and all other "popular" blogs and sites shall be linked to even though it's not like they're getting any traffic from here. That is to say, they don't get any real, rational traffic from here. They just don't have an imaginary number hit counter like I do; otherwise, they would see their imaginary page visits are skyrocketing right this minute. The great thing is, it's imaginary, so you don't have to put it on your page (though that is a good idea; one of my readers do that for me, please - oh, wait). As for irrational numbers of readers, we've got loads of those, so long as they're imaginary, too - hey, the Order is all about irrationality, which is ironic, given our name, yes, but what can you do? (A whole lot, perhaps, like stop blogging here for starters, but we're not ones to give in to simple logical trains of thought like that so easily when liberal-minded apathy is so readily available.)

Um... oh, yeah. Be blue, squares.

Two of the above speak for themselves and need no labels. But, lest my ignorant, nonexistent, foolish readers do not understand: Group urinals and disabled toilets are always a bad thing. In America, we have handicapped restrooms and little blinder things between stalls, at least some of the time.

Oh, and by "popular demand," I meant the 15,000i requests I got for the rest of my helpfully labeled pictures.

I hope this thing publishes correctly the first time because BlogSpot is funny like that and I have homework to do.

P.S. I honestly don't know how or why this text is showing up the way it is or how to fix it, but I'm sure none of my readers care. (Hey, isn't that a double negative?)

Whereas the Blue Square is, in fact, the ruler of the universe;

Whereas he does what he wants;

Whereas you all are a bunch of no-good, lying, scheming, nonexistent, pathetic bunch of losers who disgrace the noun "reader";

These are some more of my tenets.


Actually, I figure these will kind of be like the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, except there won't be any missing and I'll keep adding to them until I die a quick, blue death - which, according to some, may be a very long time.


4. MySpace is for teenagers who engage in debauchery and excessive alcohol consumption. It is sparsed with pathetic garage bands and people like myself and a few others who have some sanity. At times, it is necessary for the latter to engage in extreme mockery of the fools who think that the Internet is limited to MySpace and AIM. If we do not make fun of them, the only non-violent defense against this devilry, we will turn into them.

5. Things are only as "like, hard, OK?" as you make them. Apathetics will not be tolerated in The Order of the Blue Square.

6. Soccer moms do not know what they are talking about on or off the soccer field, but especially on. For example, "Don't kill my son! Wah!" may be absurd in that sending someone to war for a just cause is not tantamount to murdering him but still has some relevance in that killing and war are generally bad things, even though Frank J. may disagree. But screaming "Offsides! Offsides! Offsides!" in such a high-pitched, arrogant voice that the peace-loving, thoughtful Socrates would have trouble not strangling you has no excuse. Stupid, stupid soccer moms.

Until next time . . .

if there ever is a next time . . .

Be blue, squares.

To be officially titled, "The Tenets of the Order of the Blue Square."

Whereas the Blue Square is, in fact, the ruler of the universe;

Whereas he does what he wants;

Whereas you all are a bunch of no-good, lying, scheming, nonexistent, pathetic bunch of losers who disgrace the noun "reader";

These are my tenets.

1. Our society, civilization, the universe, you name it - is doomed. We need to get the word out so people will stop trying to lead their normal lives and visit this site. Wherefore and as such, at any point in any conversation possible, say, scream, or otherwise ejaculate the word "DOOM!" from your mouth.

There are several ways to do this. One is when somebody is talking about environmental policy or something like that - admit that they're right, the world is coming to an end, and then slowly mutter in as deep a voice as possible (sorry, girls) just that single word: "Dooooommm . . . "

When having a normal conversation with some normal friends (ha; if you like this site, you'll have trouble finding those) in a normal place at a normal time, randomly mention that brilliant word, "doom," and see what their reaction is.

When otherwise discussing something that is sad, morose, melancholy, or disheartening, casually say, "Th- th- that's it, guys. We're all doomed." Then sniff or go crazy and run out of the room.

If you ever happen upon some freakishly unnatural happy people that are having a gay conversation in a cheery manner using some celebratory sort of tone that is quite hippie-like, shout - and this is going to require a deep breath - "SHUT UP! YOU'RE ALL DOOMED AND YOU KNOW IT! IT'S ALL ON THEREALBLUESQUARE.BLOGSPOT.COM! IDIOTS!"

Now just for your own enjoyment, you can also be like me and, when unsure of what you are next going to type doom doom doom doom in your doom computer or whatever, you simply type "doom" repetitively until you think of what to say. After doing so, use Microsoft Word's find-and-replace function to replace "doom" with an empty entry. And if you don't know how to either copy-paste your pathetic whatever into your, um, doom doom doom Microsoft Word, or you don't have a copy of Microsoft Word, or if you doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom are too stupid to hit Ctrl-F and click on the "Find and Replace" tab, I have no sympathy for you.

1.b. The game "Doom" looks stupid, so I haven't played it, and neither should you.

1.c. www.doom.com is some stupid commercial advertising-or-whatever site that should get a negative amount of traffic - hey, kind of like this site. Our traffic is measured in imaginary numbers!

2. While not busy thinking, "Doom! Doom! Doom!", think: Blue Square. Ah, the mystery of the Blue Square. The beauty that is inherent in it is as mystifying as a slow, rolling mist over a Kentucky plot of farmland. The Blue Square is as intriguing as a . . . as a . . . doom doom doom doom doom. Er, the Blue Square is as intriguing as a repetition of the word "doom" inserted into a stupid blog post. How's that for a simile?

3. The world is not going to be overrun by monkeys. The real predators are the Green Triangles. First of all, they're green - and green is the color the matrix coding uses, obviously a bad sign. And secondly, they're triangles! All pointy and such with centers of gravity that can be quite hard to find.

That's all for now. More, perhaps, later. Whoever invents a time-bubble creator will be linked to incessantly by Glenn Reynolds and will also receive my thanks as doing so will allow me to spend as much time as I want getting my work done, reading others' blogs, and creating Tenets of the Square on this site as well as labeling random pictures from my life for all to see and enjoy.

Be blue, squares.

OK, so no questions actually have been pouring in to me recently, but still, I thought I would create this FAQ just in case. Let's just say that if people did have questions, then these are the questions they would be asking. I have about 20 minutes until I go to my next class, so if my answers (or questions, for that matter) stink, that's not really why. It's just because everything I write is generally manure-like excrement. That metaphor is an example why.


1) You aren't serious, are you?


Dead serious. Everything I say on this blog is to be taken literally. Quote it verbatim, distribute it to the masses. My word is infallible. Except on Wednesdays. Everything said on Wednesday is questionable. Don't ask why.


2) What's with the whole Blue Square thing? You aren't a Democrat or a boring conformist, are you?


How dare you accuse me of being a Democrat. I am a boring conformist, though I don't think of myself as such because everyone is so busy not conforming, I'm the only one to conform, thus being a true nonconformist.

If you must know, it has to do with an older sister, a younger older sister, a Performing Arts Center, and keeping people guessing.


3) So, you're obviously no Frank J. Why do you keep blogging, even though you're never going to be popular? For that matter, haven't you had several failed attempts at political commentary in the past?


I keep blogging because... it's the right thing to do. For every divine being, there must be many mortals who try to be god-like and fail. I willingly accept that I am an idiot. I don't go around toting the fact that I'm an idiot, though, because that would extend beyond idiocy into pure idiocy. That's kind of like being a liberal is acceptable in the sense that not everyone can be right, but being a socialist is entirely unacceptable in the sense that I say it's entirely unacceptable. Now, seeing as I'm just a mortal, it probably doesn't matter what I say is acceptable, but this is paragraph is getting too long, so I'll stop. I wouldn't want to confuse my simple-minded readers. Er... readers... right...

You've obviously done your research. I've been known on the Internet as woohoo16yoman (mostly gaming), the Conservative Vampire (an attempt at a serious political blog), secondratefool (my current AIM name), and also in the print world as the writer of Synthesis, a biweekly column in The Free Lance-Star of Fredericksburg, Va. (Hence the name Synthesizer on the Internet as well.) I think those are most of my names... I would link where possible, but all my work is so pathetic that you can probably only take one shoddy piece of Web site at a time.


4) Holy cow, that's a lot of names. Why so many?


I'm ADD and want to recreate my name as often as possible to hide my past. The Internets are pretty good at keeping my stuff on public record, though, so I've just caved in and listed my names for you to be nice.

5) What do you see in the future for The Order of the Blue Square?


What a nice question. This is turning into a really nice self-interview, much more fun than an FAQ, which wastes time with stupid questions like "Der, I'm an idiot, who's Frank J.?" and other stupidities like that. Come on, everybody knows who Frank J. is. Even evil puppy-blenders know who he is. He's Satan, that's who. I would provide evidence and links, but I have four minutes left.

As to the future... I don't know. Maybe I will buy my own domain and conquer the Third World once and for all. Perhaps this is the last post ever on this stupid Blogspot blog that is a waste of my time and yours (therefore doubly wasting my time, since I am, admittedly, the only reader of my own blog). Anyway, if people do like my stuff and notice it once I get them to try to, then maybe I will become famous and organize stuff like this worthless FAQ into separate links, not just blog entries, and all that hooplah.

Anyway, thanks for your time. I really enjoyed it.


Oh, no problem. It was my pleasure.


You're too kind. *dismissive hand gesture*


You're too... gay.


Oh yeah, well you don't know how to use proper AP-style ellipsis marks.


Homosexual nit-picker.





Ahem. Until next time, if there is a next time, this is your egotistical correspondent, the (straight) Blue Square.

Glenn Reynolds once said that blog headlines have nothing to do with the actual content of that post, and Glenn Reynolds is never wrong, so therefore, his manipulative reverse psychology has forced me to make that title. He and Frank J. make my life so miserable.

Anyway, this blog entry is one of many "A Moment in the Life of . . . Me!" entries soon to come. It only has one picture. That's because it's specifically designed to show Laurence Simon and his friend Andrew Ian Dodge what stupid London Tube signs look like. I would've posted it in his comments section, but either it wouldn't let me or my HTML skills are deteriorating as fast as nuclear waste doesn't.

I feel like I should have some sort of thing like "be honorable, ronin" to say at the end of posts, especially crappy ones like this that need some sort of saving grace. "Be blue, squares"? Perhaps. Oh, and if you're wondering what the whole "Order of the Blue Square" thing is about, I will explain it in days to come. For now, just be blue and be square without any explanation as to why.

So yeah, I had three straight posts in three straight days, but then I had to go off to Britain and Ireland and only be able to get wireless access by paying for it. And now when I get back to school, I have craploads of work to do. Not that any of you nonexistent readers care, of course. I just thought I'd let you myself know.

This is hereby the best bulletin MySpace ever sent. It had a little rougher language than I would like, so I changed it up a bit. But other than that, this bulletin was pretty cool.


From: Brian P.
Date: Apr 24, 2006 6:59 PM

Why does Hannity give idiots like her air time? I support her right to be a woman, but women like these need to be slapped on the head with cardboard tubing and sent to cry in the corner of some dark, dark place. Why cardboard tubing? I don't know; it was my weapon of choice as a kid.

StraNGE little lady







I just love those funny little protestors with their funny little signs. "AMERICA IS DOOMED! Aaaahh!" Those Baptists need to go learn their lesson by fighting for the Jihadists. Then they can see how doomed we Americans are. Yup. Our loads of superior training and firepower certainly indicates imminent death to America. That makes sense. But I guess the bright side the liberals will see in this is that Islamo-Baptist relations should be improving now. Maybe they could merge: Islamicists have the whole Jihad thing down, but Baptists are skilled street-preachers. Nothing says "death to America" like a good street preacher with some bombs strapped to his chest.


Anyway, more "Moments in the Life of . . . Me!" coming up. I have to take the time to upload them.

UPDATE 10 June 2006 - That video doesn't work any more. Oh well. It's not like anyone's going to be viewing this page.

"No!" you say. "Aaaah!" you scream. "What could have happened to the Order of the Blue Square?" you ask. Could BlogSpot have realized its impetuous content and denied further postings on its website? Could the infamous Blue Square writer behind the mysteries of the Order have been kidnapped—or—even better worse—killed?

Nah, I’ve just been on vacation.

Click here to read it all

This is amazing. Last time I blogged, it was about serious stuff, and I worked hard to think and then post something at least once a day. Now, with my mortal incarnation of this humor blog (if you haven't figured it out already, you will looking at/reading the image below: IMAO is my divine inspiration, to which I, the human, aspire) , I can write a blog and not have to think too hard.

Anyway, I actually wrote this yesterday but am publishing it today in order to save time and still say that I'm blogging at least once a day. Now to those readers who think this doesn't make sense -- wait, wait, let me see if there any such people, often called "readers" on popular blogs.

. . .

. . .

Nope. Okay, never mind then.

Hello again, everyone. Today, I'll be posting for the second time in a row (yesterday was the first time), which is more consistent than Clinton ever could be (Washington insiders will get this joke).

I just read the part of Army of Davids where the non-puppy-blending Glenn talks about what makes a blog succesful. He mentioned personality, having something new to say, and intelligence. There is, then, no hope for me. But perhaps this blog will just be a record of all the things I find funny; if no one else reads it, it's their loss.


So, this picture is something I posted a while ago on MySpace. The date is March 17, 2006, and the place is Fredericksburg, Va. There were a small band of hippies there, and I laughed at them as I drove by and managed to take a picture. Seriously, even if they don't believe we should be in Iraq, which is an understandable thing to think, do they think standing and screaming at a bunch of tired commuters will change anything?




As you can see in the helpfully labelled photo above, apparently not.

Click on the image to read all the funnies, by the way; there are many.

" i'm soo f**king pist at a few people at the moment, but i don't truly hate anyone. that's too harsh and close-minded. " ~ a teenager on MySpace

So, honestly, let me get this straight. In order of harshness, being "fucking pist" is less than hating?

Just a thought.